Qhaj ntawv ntawm quarrels - ib tug kos npe rau ntawm lub doomed kev sib raug zoo?

Peb txhua tus yeej paub hais tias lub qhov quarrels thiab kev tsis sib haum ua rau kev puas tsuaj ntawm kev sib yuav. Tab sis li cas yog hais tias muaj yog ib tug converse assertion? Yuav ua li cas yog hais tias tus kev sib raug zoo yuav poob sib nrug vim tsis muaj quarrels ntawm tus txiv thiab tus poj niam?

tej yam yees siv piv

Doktor Dzhon M. Gottman yog ib tug pov thawj kev puas siab ntsws. Rau ob peb lub xyoo lawm, cov kws txawj yog kawm stability ntawm tsev neeg sib raug zoo. Nws los ua lub npe hu rau nej tau sab "khawv koob piv" ntawm zoo thiab tsis zoo sib tshuam cov neeg koom tes, uas yog 5 rau 1. Nyob rau hauv lwm yam lus, nyob rau hauv ib tug muaj zog thiab tas mus li union, txhua offset los ntawm ib tug tsis zoo tshwm sim tsib zoo.

Nyob rau hauv tej rooj plaub, lub sib cav sib ceg tej zaum yuav pab?

Ntau scandals undermine lub kev sib raug zoo. Qhov no nws tus kheej-tsheev tseeb. Txawm li cas los, raws li lub hom phiaj ntawm Dr. Gottman, ib tug tsis muaj negativity kuj yuav ib tug kos npe rau ntawm ib tug ibtxhi sib yuav. Nrhiav txoj kev pom tshuav nyiaj li cas nyob nruab nrab ntawm lub diametrically opposite cwj pwm txawv yog ib tug uas tsis yog-tshuaj saib ntawm tsev neeg sib raug zoo. Peb niaj hnub no cov kws txawj hais lus cam uas negativity yuav tsum muaj, yog tias koj lub hom phiaj yog los tsim kom tau muaj zog thiab ntev-lub sij hawm alliance.

Tsis zoo plays ib qho tseem ceeb luag hauj lwm nyob rau hauv ib co prosocial zog

Yog hais tias tsis zoo xav tsis peb yuav tsum tau, xwm yuav tsis tsim lawv. Lawv yuav tsum tsis tau tsuas yog los tswj qhov kev zoo siab, tab sis kuj yuav tsim ib qho kev - lub engine ntawm tib neeg kev kawm. Tsis zoo tus cwj pwm txawv ua si ib qho tseem ceeb luag hauj lwm nyob rau hauv ib co prosocial zog. Peb yuav tau tham txog cov kev xaiv ntawm tus sis ntawm schemes uas tsis ua hauj lwm zoo raws li rau qhov incitement ntawm romantic txoj kev xav. Nyob rau hauv thawj cov ntaub ntawv, nyob rau hauv lub hauv paus ntawm kev tsis zoo yaam puab paub neeg to taub dab tsi nqis tes ua lawv yuav tsum tau zam nyob rau hauv lub neej yav tom ntej. Nyob rau hauv lub thib ob cov ntaub ntawv, lawv tsis muab kev hlub rau tuag. Muaj ntau ntawm peb tau hnov tus hais tias: "Tom qab ib tug muaj zog sib cav los sai reconciliation". Cov neeg koom tes uas yeej tsis hla, tsis muaj number case nyob rau hauv lub sib raug zoo. Yog li, cov khub niam txiv tsis muaj tshaj tawm tsov rog nyob rau hauv negativity nyob rau hauv lawv lub neej. On qhov tsis tooj, lub neej yog ib tug hassle-dawb thiab quarrels yuav unbearably npub thiab dog dig tsis muaj sia.

Quarrels pab kom pab tau rau cov kev hloov

Dr. Gottman lub tswv yim yog hais tias cov txij nkawm yuav muab rau txhua tus lwm yam kev qhia pab tswv yim. Lub fact tias lub ntiaj teb nyob ib ncig ntawm peb yog lossi hloov, thiab peb yuav tsum xav li cas rau nws. Showdown yog qhov zoo tshaj plaws suited rau lub hom phiaj no. Yog li cov neeg koom tes tsis tsuas kawm kom hloov mus rau tej yam kev mob tshiab, tab sis yeej ib txwm nyob twj ywm "rau tib wavelength."

Thaum tus nqi ntawm cov ua tsis tau zoo zoo

Peb mus txuas ntxiv kom paub tias tej yam tshwm sim ntawm ib tug zoo meej sib yuav. Peb rov los xyuas dua lub "khawv koob piv" ntawm tus cwj pwm txawv nyob rau hauv ib tug harmonious kev sib yuav thiab pom hais tias txhua tus sib cav sib ceg nrog ib tug neeg yuav tsum "ua hauj lwm tawm" nyob rau hauv lub tsib-fold sib npaug. Nyob rau hauv tas li ntawd mus rau lub xov tooj ntawm kev tsis sib haum, tsis tau txo nqi thiab qhov zoo (ua li cas tsausmuag sib cav sib ceg thiab ntev). Dr. Gottman thiab nws cov npoj yaig thaum lub sij hawm lawv thwmsim pom hais tias lub lingering skirmishes tsis muaj lub kho nyhuv li tsausmuag tsov rog siab heev nrog ib tug neeg. Yog li, hla ntawm tsis zoo escalation nyob rau hauv tsis sib haum inevitably muab ntxiv rau tsis ntseeg tej zoo ntxim. Nws twb pom hais tias cov mob me tsis sib haum officers cim tsis muaj kev hlub, active txaus siab, nws tus kheej-irony, excitement, kev xyiv fab, kev txhawb nqa thiab nrog.

Rau hauv sib piv, ib tug tsis ruaj tsis khov kev sib raug zoo nrog protracted fights yeej tsis ua rau rupture. Cov neeg koom tes nyob rau hauv no alliance muaj nyob rau hauv txhua lwm yam noj qab nyob zoo. Thiab cia no cawv tsis yog ib txwm zoo. Ib yam yog tseeb: cov qauv no ntawm kev koom tes yuav ua tau kom stability, Yog hais tias cov neeg uas nrog yuav xav txog "khawv koob piv" thiab yuav ua hauj lwm rau kev tsim ib tug dej siab ib puag ncig rau strengthening lub zoo kev sib tshuam.

Qhov no piv yog tsim rau cov lag luam

Curiously, tus "khawv koob piv" ntawm 5 mus rau 1 yog muaj feem xyuam rau cov lag luam. Kev tshawb fawb tau qhia tias qhov zoo tshaj cov thawj coj nyob rau txhua txhua thuam ntawm subordinates tawm qhov nruab nrab ntawm 5.6 lus zoo. Raws li koj tau pom, ib tug me me kev faib ua feem ntawm qhov tsis zoo yog ib qho tseem ceeb ib feem ntawm tag nrho cov txheej txheem. Ua ntej, tus thuam (thiab sib cav sib ceg) yog attracting xim. Ob, qhov tsis zoo tswv yim tiv thaiv complacency.